Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
