I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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