I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize