I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
