I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
