the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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