so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
