if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
