The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
