Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
