Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
