God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
"it" just moved
It's Friday. Sex?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
