They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
