..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
