Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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