Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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