YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
