There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
