i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
