I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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