I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
