I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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