The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
