I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
