i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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