shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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