We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
