My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
