This girl is more easily done than said...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
