i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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