I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
