so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
cat food counts as protein by the way
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize