Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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