I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
