Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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