CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
