It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
