the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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