So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
