she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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