sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
