and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Randomize
