i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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