Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
