If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
