i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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