i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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