Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
