Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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