My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
wow bdsm is so cute
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
