Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
