a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize