Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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