I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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