He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
God, I missed his penis.
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