its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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