I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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