he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
