roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
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