I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
