Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
