I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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