at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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