I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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