I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
