You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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