i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
