we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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