My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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