I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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