Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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