we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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