i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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