she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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