Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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