he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
