just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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