Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
