Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
