If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
