I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize