If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
