Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
