we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
