He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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