I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
