my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
