you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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