So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
