Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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