apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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