im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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