Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Everything about him screamed your future.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
